So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We had to coat check the pizza.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
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What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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