guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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