You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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