the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
