Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
