yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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