dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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