We named our party play list daddy issues
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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