The maid of honor just puked.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
