i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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