No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
