this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
