She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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