its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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