You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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