He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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