i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
