god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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