My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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