Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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