Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
