I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
