i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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