You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
