i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
