Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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