Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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