I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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