i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
