So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
