ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
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Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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