I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
How's work?
Spinning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
