Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
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How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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