im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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