how can u be prego again
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
