sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
