i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
