there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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