I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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