I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
