then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
