You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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