a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
