ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
