Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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