Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
