my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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