Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
