So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
