dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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