Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
