u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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