I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
