I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
