I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize