I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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