tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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