He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize