So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
