I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
