That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
