i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
