Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
