So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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