no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
