we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
