Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
