that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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