I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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