I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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