sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
