Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
