Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We are all done wearing pants today
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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